Psychologist advocates distancing from self-talk, citing Reddit study and Djokovic's tactical timeout success

By Ethan Kross | Translated by Wang Soo-min | Woongjin Knowledge House | 376 pages | 19,500 Korean won

Humanity has long grappled with "emotions." Look at artifacts from the 15th to 16th century Inca era in South America. They show traces of sophisticated surgical procedures on skulls, performed hundreds of years ago. Historians infer these were surgical methods to manage symptoms of emotional regulation disorders such as depression or mania. In the 17th century, people tried to treat "mental illnesses" by branding red-hot iron rods onto skulls. Portuguese neurologist António Egas Moniz received the 1949 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for his research on lobotomy -- a surgical method to excise parts of the frontal lobe to treat mental illness, now discontinued due to side effects and aftereffects.

The author, Ethan Kross, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan, introduces these "chilling methods" of the past and argues, "Just like our ancient ancestors, we still struggle with emotional processing." Humanity remains in a battle with emotions. While counseling techniques have advanced and the field of psychopharmacology uses more sophisticated and less risky methods, mental health statistics continue to worsen. According to World Health Organization (WHO) data, over 500 million people suffer from depression or anxiety disorders. The annual cost of treating these conditions alone exceeds 1 trillion dollars (approximately 1,397 trillion Korean won). However, Kross suggests the problem may lie in the very perspective that views emotions as something to eliminate or fight.

Kross gained fame as a psychologist for introducing the psychological technique called the "Fly on the wall effect." It involves objectively viewing one's situation from a third-person perspective, like a fly on the wall. His first popular book, Chatter: The Saboteur Within You, has been translated and published in over 40 countries, becoming a bestseller. Emphasizing the "art of distancing oneself from endless thoughts," he now introduces "emotional shifting techniques to break the vicious cycle of anxiety, lethargy, and emotional fluctuations." If these techniques are applied well, he says, emotions can be sufficiently regulated. Even in extreme environments like the U.S. Navy's Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape (SERE) training -- designed to prepare for capture by enemies -- the most critical factor is not physical strength but "the ability to avoid being swayed by emotions and instead skillfully utilize them."

When you feel emotions have completely bound you, try the techniques Kross introduces. The most intuitive and simple is "perspective shifting." The book cites a study analyzing over 1 million social media posts on Reddit from people who shared their breakup stories. The research team examined posts users made on social media for several years before and after their breakups. They observed the frequency of first-person pronouns in the posts. The longer users remained zoomed-in on themselves -- continuously writing posts in the first person -- the worse their condition became.

"I, I, I..." Emotions fester within a narrowing field of vision. Over-immersing in oneself can be harmful. Distance is needed. In the early stages of the 2022 Wimbledon men's singles quarterfinals, world-class tennis player Novak Djokovic faced Jannick Sinner and was on the defensive. He requested a "toilet break," a tactical timeout in tennis. After returning from the locker room, he began pressuring his opponent and won the match. When asked what he did in the bathroom, Djokovic said he chanted the mantra "You can do it" in front of the mirror. Though clichéd, it worked. The moment he switched from "I" to "you," he gained the space to view the situation objectively.

Sometimes, external alternatives must be sought. The latter half of the book introduces methods to change spaces, relationships, and culture for emotional management. Those who know their "mental sanctuary" head to their "attachment space" when stressed, managing emotions by changing their environment. Human relationships are also crucial. Acquaintances who merely empathize are unhelpful. It is necessary to have constructive advisors in one's network who help "throw off the blindfold obscuring one's vision." The most challenging method Kross suggests is "cultural shifting." For instance, if the workplace culture, which occupies over 80% of one's life, is eroding one's emotions, there are two choices: leave or change it. This part may seem difficult to apply in practice. The original title is Shift.

Ethan Kross's 'shift' technique: Manage emotions via 2nd-person perspective